High Waisted Shorts? I Can't Get Behind 'em

Behind 'em, get it, ahahaha.
via
Anyone else having a major problem buying shorts this year? I don't know about you, but I'm about thisclose to pledging my allegiance to leggings and call it a day, er summer.

I know I don't speak for everyone, but the shorts that are "in" just don't work for me. High waisted and shorty-short? No. I feel like the high waist looks like a grandpa, but at the same time my (extra long apparently?) butt cheeks are hanging out. I mean, I know I need to do some toning, but I just can't get behind it. Then I go to another store and their shorts claim to be mid-length, but they're tight as hell! No. Please. Why can't my ideal shorts just appear in my closet?

I went to PacSun today and they had a short called Mom Shorts, right..? The smallest size they had was a 5. Sorry, but no. I am a mom. I'm probably even considered a skinny mom, but I don't fit in a 5. Get it together PacSun. Don't have a mom short that won't even fit the tiniest of teen moms.

Anywhoosies, a few weeks ago I discovered a low-rise boyfriend fit online. It sounded perfect, exactly like what I think I want, but I just can't order shorts online with the state of the shorts that are "in" this season so I passed. They were on sale and technically I can return them, but I just don't trust ordering online. So today I went to the mall with the fam and I decided I had a little bit of time to try on shorts. I grabbed a few different styles in a few different sizes and hit the dressing room. High rise? No. Sorry. I'm a mom, I can't have my ass cheeks hanging out that much. Low rise? Only in one cut and color, otherwise inappropriate. There was another style I tried on... festival style or some shit? No. Basically high rise, but shorter and even more ass cheek. Where can a --what I imagine as average size-- 20-something year old mom go to get shorts? Even a 20-something non-mom?!?

Well apparently a few weeks ago when I found those low-rise boyfriend fit shorts online I found my match because they were exactly what I needed, but I honestly can't believe how difficult it is to find shorts that are comfortable and flattering. I know that a size 00 (those exist?), 0 (again, those exist?), 1, 3, and maybe even 5 look good in midriff shirts with low rise shorts and their pre-pubescent ass cheeks, but really, why do those cut of shorts even exist above a 5? No one I know that's above a 5 could pull those off without their cottage cheese ass and self-esteem hanging out, so why even shatter the self-worth of people that size who even dare to try them on?

My advice? Drop your kid off at the babysitter, have a couple drinks at the mall bar to get the edge off, and try on any and every short you can get your hands on. I finally decided that those low-rise boyfriend fit shorts were about as close as I could get to looking good and appropriate for my body type so I came home and ordered every color they had of them online.

I sincerely hope that buying shorts isn't as difficult as I make it out to be, but I swear that I can't be the only one who feels this way. I just want shorts that make me feel good and look good.

Where do you get your shorts?

1 comment

Jen said...

I am not a fan of high waisted shorts! They just aren't flattering.